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~A Rare Flower*s Pad~



*~HE wrote The BOOK of LOVE!~*

  Here is a happening that changed my whole outlook on life ever since it happened, most especially concerning me as a daughter.  This story might be quite hard to believe for some, most especially those who are not taking their faith seriously, but something out of the ordinary happened to me in the course of one week ten years ago (as I am writing this).

   First, the little cross at the start of this story is my way of asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit as I write words to paper, so to speak, asking that the words that I will write are true and not fragments of my imagination.  So, here I ask again; Come Holy Spirit, help us all.
   Although we all have our own lives to live, and, have our own roads of life already marked for us, so we say, each and every one of us have our constant COMPANION that is LOVE.  And before I write what occurred during that week for me, I would like to share something of the retreat house it occurred.
   In a little Canadian village in the Province Québec, called Cacouna, they have a retreat house named "Le Cénacle" (in French), The Cénacle (in English).  This retreat house is owned and operated by Franciscan priests, it is not only a retreat house but it housed the Franciscan priests, also for young men studying to become priests (when I went there that year, at least).  Working for the retreats are the Poor Clare nuns (order of St. Francis of Assisi).  A nun is leader (who gives the talks/sessions) for the retreats; there is a priest in charge of all the different spiritual programs in the house has a co-partner with the nun leader.
    It is necessary to describe the building/surroundings for the sake of where it is situated, in a Peaceful sitting.  The building was built for a Summer Resort in the early 1900's for the "rich of those days", and sits along the St. Laurence Seaway.  There was a ferry built about 7 to 10 miles from that Summer Resort then that is still very much alive today.  The grounds are fully surrounded with old trees, and plenty of space to sit on the lawns; also, there is the same foot pathway that was used then to go down to the shore of the Seaway.  The building has a circular porch, still the same wood and posts that it was built with, that starts in front of the building and goes around all the way to the back of the building that is the Seaway's front view.  It has three stories high, not counting the full basement -that used to be rare in those days, but much needed to store the extra food and wines then ...-, and every floor has a seaway view balcony.  The whole property in front is protected with an old fashioned black wrought iron fence with swinging doors for the driveway.  One side is the entrance brings the vehicles right to the front door of the building, then the vehicles continue the half-circled driveway to the exit at the other swinging doors.  Along the inside of that fence, there is a row of trees that were planted in a perfect straight line that hides the whole building in the summer time.  Inside that half circle old trees were planted there also, with benches that are under the trees in that half circled driveway.  
    To the left of the exit drive is a wide lawn that goes all the way to the edge of the embankment of the lot over-looking the seaway.  Bushes of wild flowers are still blooming in the lawn areas, with a walk-in pathway from the front all the way to the back of the building.  There are old fashions wooden chairs that sit along the edge of the lot's high embankment, that overlooks the Seaway, with a spectacular view of far away mountains of different heights and shaped caps that are an Island.   Just the ground themselves gives one a spiritual awed feeling about God's Created Touch.  The atmosphere of that place is so peaceful that one cannot help but get a peaceful and good feeling after a day or two.  That place was surely chosen place by PAPA DIEU to bring HIS people back to where they are supposed to be, in HIS PRESENCE, as HIS beloved child/children. 
   Since that week I attended my retreat, that I will share later, the Franciscans made an addition to the building that houses a new Chapel area 'that was built exactly like the original one moving everything there', and built a large room for the retreat people before entering the Chapel.
   What a gift God gave that priest and nun, and to all the people who volunteer there during the retreats.  There are retreats for couples, singles, married, families, priests, nuns, teens ...  The "co-partner" nun lives in a Bungalow type house that sits right in front of Le Cénacle itself on the other side of the street, that is the main presenter/leader of the retreats, seminars, etc., including the week long "process" that I like to call it.
   The title of the retreat I experienced is called in one word title "AGAPETHERAPIE" (French) the retreat was given in French only then.  In English the word is AGAPETHERAPY, today as I write this they have them in English also. 
   The word AGAPÉ means "GOD'S LOVE".  And we all know what therapy means, and, what one does when one goes for therapy, that is to get help with what is going wrong in one's life, heart, mind, families, etc., etc.  Instead of going to see a "therapist" person, in going to make an Agapetherapy one goes to see THE  THERAPIST  HIMSELF.  The program's functionality is defined as "The Healingof the traumas of lifeby the LOVE  OF  GOD" 
   Now, who understands us more perfectly than the ONE who created us?  Who sees why we hurt so much and, what makes us hurt?  Or, should I rather say "HE sees the ones who hurts us and whom we hurt".  And, this is what I received during that week of my Agapetherapy, my own CREATOR who is thee THERAPIST  Himself who healed me and, that I had never imagined that HE was there all the time.
   The nun in charge has received a miraculous bodily cure herself that was medical and Church approved.  She had gone through an Agapetherapy program herself and had been cured.  Since then she has devoted her life to help people get to know God's Love through making an Agapetherapy, because, shed say;" HE WANTS US TO KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOVES US ALL!"
   When I made my retreat the week started on Sunday at 7 and ended on Saturdays after lunch, since then they also have a week that starts during a weekday, instead of always on Sundays.  At my Agapé, a young woman had flowed from Paris, France to fly to Québec on Saturday, live her Agapetherapy, and flew back to Paris on Monday morning's first flight back to France.  She just came all that way to live an Agapetherapy.  She had heard about the Agapé by word of mouth from someone who had lived the week and, she decided to come to experience it also.  Her name was Natalie and I branded her 'Natalie de Paris'.   The people who told her about the Agapé had been told by others also who had gone to make their own Agapé themselves.  Le Cénacle does not do any advertisements, the week is only by "words of mouths".  We were told that people from almost all the countries of the world had experienced an Agapé there.  The Agapé sessions are centered on one's personal life.  I had wanted to go to a retreat for two years prior to that year, because I had overwhelming traumas that was on going for decades and I couldn't find a "good" retreat house that could help me.  A friend of mine told me about that Agapetherapy retreat and, the minute she ended telling me about it I called that Center for a reservation.  I was told the retreat was booked for six months, I reserved it then.
   The first evening starts at 7 with general introductions of where the bathrooms are, kitchen, the meeting rooms, and so on.  Then we are told to keep to ourselves whatever is going on during the week that we are experiencing.  In other words, no chit chats about how one session touched us; also, if there are couples they are given separate rooms also, for every person who goes to make an Agapé week is alone in a bedroom even in two beds room.  Also, very important, it is GOD HIMSELF WHO heals.
   What you will read in this story are events that I had no idea PAPA DIEU (GOD) (ABBA DADDY) was always there with me.  I have named Him PAPA DIEU since the Tuesday morning of my first AGAPETHERAPIE.  I want to add here something I truly believe from the bottom of my heart, there is not one person who is born on this earth who does not deserve to go through an AGAPETHERAPY week.  It is a GIFT from GOD HIMSELF that you will experience (period).  That is, if you let go of yourself and let God work in you, HE already knows who you really are, but HE is waiting for you to go get healed in a way that only HE knows where and how, because, HE created you!  Remember that!  Your inner self will never be the same ever again.
   I am testifying it in this story that PAPA DIEU healed me in ways I could never imagined I could be healed of.  Ask yourself right now, do I need to know that GOD truly loves me without any doubt in my mind?  If you have hints of doubt make yourself a life's continuous gift, live a week with THE AGAPETHERAPIST!  



   It was the week of June 14th to 21st, 1993, I was so ready to get filled with whatever I needed the most in this Agapetherapy week.  The Monday mornings first session finally arrived, I was sitting with my eyes closed most of the time so I would not get disturbed by my surroundings and I wanted to be truly attentive to every instant because I had enter that place with the convictions I would find help there, but it was in the second day of my Agapetherapy that things started to change for me.  Not wanting to reveal the process of their programs I need to say that whatever happened to me was my time to receive what I had, and it was not the time for the person sitting next to me, or at the back of the room.  Things happen the way PAPA DIEU wants them to happen there.  Some were moved on Monday, some only on Saturday and some are even only touched when they are back home we were told.  Like I added above my first touching moments started during the afternoons program on Tuesday. I was sitting with my hands on my lap -open in telling PAPA DIEU to come and heal something in me- this is my usual posture when I am in retreats or spiritual nourishing places, that way the opening of my heart is much more receiving than having my hands clasp, or fidgeting manners.
   I was sitting with open heart, ears, and mind.  I was listening to the nun leader who was doing that afternoons talk.  After a while I suddenly had an urge to cry and I accepted that feeling I was in at that instant.  Then as the process continued in the talk I suddenly saw in my minds eyes- like someone closes their eyes and see a scene that they lived before and it felt as if they were there reliving that scene all over again, that is a minds eye vision for me- and the vision was all black and tears were rolling down.  In wanting to know what that meant I asked PAPA DIEU; what are you telling me, what's this darkness all about?   I wanted to know what was in that darkness but nothing happened in that instant vision, but did I ever cried.  I was not able to hold on to the silent rolling tears any longer for the pain was too much as to whatever was making me want to cry my heart out.  During that dark vision time I had not noticed others were crying in the room next to me, nor did I heard the leader talking.  Its as if I had fallen asleep and suddenly woke up, like.  But I persisted in keeping myself open to whatever was happening.  By then the profuse crying had stopped.  The leader was talking and I was attentive, and then she said the word COLD.
   In an instant I was back in that dark vision, but, that time the word COLD was chocking me and all I could hear was COLD, COLD all outside sounds became quiet except me busting out in tears and not wanting to bother the others in the group I ran out of the room.  I couldn't hold the tears of agony; the pain was so strong I was bent in half crying.  I don't know what that pain was all about but I knew it had something to do with the way I was born.  The word COLD just brought to the story of my birth.  That birth story that my earthly mother had repeated over and over again every single time I was in the same room with her whenever someone would come see her, the story she told over again every single time I, my husband and our children would go see her at her house.  Then one of the group's member who works as a volunteers had followed me, but I had not seen her, nor heard her call my name.  She had followed me to the nearest room I could find so I could close the door and cry my heart out.  That lady which turned out to be my helper told me that something in me is in the process of being healed that has caused me atrocious pain all my life, and the pain I was literally feeling was how much that thing has been hurting me all my life till that moment I was there with her.  She also told me; "PAPA DIEU wants you to find that thing that is so painful to you and to give it to HIM so HE could heal you of it that is so atrociously painful", adding; "I can see and even feel you are experiencing at this very moment".  "The pain must be from my birth" I kept telling myself and her, "because my earthly mother had me in a snowstorm day in the middle of February, and she had me in a hospitals toilet.  Of course it must have been cold water in that toilet when I fell from her warm womb into the toilets cold water.  That word COLD had to be sent for me from the leaders talk", I added.  My helper and I talked things out and I finally stopped crying and she advised me to "go back in the conference room and sit, like you usually are Bebianne" she added, "because you are the only one who opens her hands and is so open to receive healing (s).  The Father will recompense you I know He will; I can feel it in my heart that you will leave from this place with a healing you had never received before.  Go, and receive it all, continue to be open and you will never be sorry you are."
   With that we went to the conference room and I really didn't feel I had imposed on any one because of my outburst of running out of the room before.  All eyes were on me, but they were not eye of judgments at all.  And the rest of the leader's talk was very touching but nothing to the point of having been stabbed in the stomach with a mighty blow like I had just felt.  And the day continued with nothing too dramatic revealing itself to me.  But I was open and listening to every word that came to me for the rest of the day.  Night time came and I went to bed exhausted and with hundreds of questions in my head, but told myself not to stay stuck with that incident during that day.  I had a really hard time to fall asleep and the next day began with my being awakened by my alarm clock, something that rarely happen.
   That day started like the usual and in the first morning session in the conference room the leader told us that we have to refresh yesterdays talk so that this one would be as its continuous effect.  I was ready with open hands on my lap, my mind keener now since what had happened to me, and my heart was ready to be loved, again.  I was just relaxed as I could possibly could and the leader started revising the talk of the day before.  She then said the word COLD again.  But instead of seeing a dark vision, and burst out in tears because of the pain it was causing me, I started to cry but, flowing tears were rolling on my cheeks.  As I listened to my crying -as to why I was crying- my dark vision changed.  I saw a baby getting born in the natural way, that is falling out of the womb, but, under the head of the baby I saw a big Hand, the right Hand, light, a toilet, and then the baby fell into the big Hand instead of in the toilet.
   I was crying more than ever by then because my cries got me out of that vision for a split second, as if to tell me, see you are crying again but the next second I was still in the vision.  I then saw another Hand going under the baby's behind, (bummies) and the Hands scene then had changed into Hands and Arms scene, and those Hands were gently lifting me up.  I saw the umbilical cord swaying slowly back and forth as the Hands were lifting the baby.  I saw the baby did a sudden move with its whole body shaking.  Its little arms stretched out open in its breath stopped a second because it was afraid to fall, because it was being lifted up high.  The baby had dark hair still wet from birth, and its body also was wet.  The umbilical cord was almost to its full stretch as the baby was being lifted up, with just a little dangle left.
   I then literally heard a voice, and it said in French; "Oh comme je taime!, moi je taime!, comme tu est belle!, Allo! MOI JE T'aime!  Comme tu est petite!"  Translated in English is: "Oh how I love you!, I love you!, Oh, you're so pretty!, Hi! I love you!  How tiny you are!"  I felt that person give me a hug.  And the moi -I, in English- word was being said louder that the rest of the words, as if in confirmation sound.  That tone of voice, of moi, was touching me to the core of my being, because, the baby had never heard anyone say those words to him or her before.  Then I heard my own voice, cutting that voice off, I literally heard my own voice talking, but, in the vision it was the baby who was saying the words that follows; "No!  No!  I'm not pretty!  I'm all dirty!  Look at me I'm all dirty, No! You cant love me, I'm all dirty!"  In the vision, I could tell that the baby was saying it was all dirty from birth, and at the same time, I knew it was saying that it was dirty from having sinned over and over again.  Seconds after I heard my/the baby's voice I saw the arms and hands as a silhouette bringing the baby close to that person's face.  I did not see a face, a light was emitting in front of the silhouette that darkened it, and all that was seen was the baby in the hands and the arms that had long draping material falling off the arms.
   What occurred next in the vision is something I will never forget as long as I live.  The person with the hands and arms silhouette was bringing the baby close to its lips.  I literally felt the baby being kissed on the cheek.  It was as if I was that baby that was being kissed.  And the vision ended with that scene of feeling a kiss on my cheek.
   That vision, from the time the baby coming out of the womb, the hand that suddenly appeared there, the light the hand emitted so that I saw a toilet, the baby falling into the palm of the hand, the baby being raised, the baby shaking out of fear to fall, the umbilical cord swaying and, then being stretched out to almost its limit, the voice of the person telling the baby that it is loved and that this person loved the baby, the denial voice of the baby that it was dirty, and the silhouette's arms gently bringing the baby to its lips and kissing the baby to the time all was ended was about the time of a full 60 seconds, or even less.
   I then suddenly realized that I was back in the room for I heard the leader's voice, then realized I was sitting in my chair with tears rolling down my cheeks, and I was shaking like a leaf.  I opened my eyes and saw the leader looking at me in a concern way still continuing her talk; she made a head sign to a volunteer to come see me.  My helper who helped me the days before came to me and told me, lets go for fresh air and we left the room.  When in the same room as the day before she asked me what had happened and I told her the whole vision.  I added; "Am I going crazy or what?  I do believe that the baby in that vision was me but in the vision I did not fall in the toilet like I really had at my real birth!  And, who is that person in the vision?  Am I going crazy?"  My lady helper told me that the vision was true as true as I was sitting there with her, and that in time the rest of the vision will be disclosed to me, that "you had to accept right now that the vision was real and that you do believe it was you at your birth and that the rest would be up to The Father".  She then asked me; "do you accept that vision to be true?"  I immediately answered; "Oh YES I do!  I could have never imagined doing anything like I just saw in real life!  Its unbelievable, its unbelievable" I kept saying.  By the time I was done talking to my helper the session was over and everybody were coming out for a fifteen minutes break.  I was like a zombie the rest of that day.  I have to add here that I was not really there as to listening to the other talks the rest of that day, but I remember what was said at the evening's sharing of the group.  I had not shared my vision.  I had a fairly good sleep that night.
   The next morning after shower and breakfast I took the time to do my daily prayers before the first session of that day.  The first Reading for the Mass that day was: Job 1:21; 2:10b (Naked I came forth from my mothers womb, and naked shall I go back again.  The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord! Job 1:21).  I could not believe what I had just read I was speechless.  I had received that vision the day before and the First Reading was about birth.  After the first session that morning my helper took me by the hand and took me to my crying room and she was awed also at the words in the First Reading.  She told me that this was one of the first of many ways The Father would give me to reassure me that the vision was not a figment of my imagination but reality.  And she added; "PAPA DIEU, rock your child".  I can tell you this much, I was on cloud one hundred, (not cloud nine) all that day, just knowing that I had not wished that vision but that it was given to me by PAPA DIEU HIMSELF.  The rest of the week had its awesome moments for me but not like that vision.  Then came the time to come back to the real world, oh how I prayed that I would not get forgotten just because I was not at Le Cénacle any longer.
   Then on June 24, 1993 started, the Bible's Readings was about what began confirmation to me that the vision at Le Cénacle was real.  June 24 is the feast day of the Birth of St. John the Baptist in the Catholics Saints Calendar and the Readings for that day was in 1993; Is 49: 1-6, Psalm 139: 1-3, 13-15.  But I had read all the verses in the Psalm from verse 1 to verse 15, why? You ask me!!!  Then in verse 10 in that Psalm I read; your right hand hold me fast.  I was in disbelief, and in tears by the end of that Psalm.  There, in black and white, I was reading what I had lived a few days before in that awesome vision of healing were scenes staring back at me from the Bible, and the confirmation word was RIGHT HAND there from the Bible!!!   From that moment on I started to underline in red ink in my Bible the words of right hand, hand, His right hand and so on, that refer to PAPA DIEU.  I also started to underline mother's womb, delivered, and anything that refers to a child being born.  My Bible has lots of underlined words now, and when I read my daily Readings and read underlined words I am brought back to my healing vision.
   But that is not all of awesome revelation about my true birth, one day I was reliving that vision I suddenly realized that I had seen a Light there.  A Light that was shinning for me to see the RIGHT HAND!  There is not light in a toilet, when one sits there it is dark in there!  Then I was confused because why was there a light in the vision then?  Then the confirmation came like a flash.  I was not born in the COLD toilet, in the dark COLD toilet, I was not alone in the real toilet that I was born at the Van Buren Hospital, and PAPA DIEU was there all the time.  That's' why my earthly mother could not succeed with her actions at my birth!!!  No matter how often shed try she would never has succeeded, never.  PAPA DIEU truly wanted me to be born and live on this earth.  HE wanted me to know how much HE loves me!  HE wanted me to help HIM born my two children that HE lent me.  HE wanted me to share my faith in being a Catechist for 20 plus years.  HE wants me to be a mémére now, to which I absolutely love and enjoy being, even though I see my Grands two times a year, three if I am lucky.  And now, having created a Web Site dedicated to my FETUSES Grands who are with HIM now, and sharing my spiritual life with all of you, my family, friends and my readers.
   I feel BLESSED beyond words.  Please do not think that I'm saying these words with pride, so as to express prideful/evilness in those words, they are words of complete Thankfulness, words of complete awesomeness.  And now you see why I take the right to call GOD "PAPA DIEU".

   ~In the weeks that followed my Agapé thought came one day while I was re-living my vision, I suddenly realized that I had not been born "in darkness" like I always thought I had been.  I had seen a "LIGHT" when I had seen the Right Hand catch me.  This revelation of being born in the "LIGHT" not in the dark to which I always thought I had been because of my earthly mother's stories.  That was "thee" healing for me.  I had always felt so unloved all my life, and found it so hard to forgive my earthly mother.  She had always told me that when she was pregnant for me, I had the measles in her and that I had given her that virus, so she had a terrible pregnancy.  One day I was sharing that with a friend nurse and she told me that it is impossible for a fetus to give a virus to the mother, that it is vice versa.  That was the second healing that changed my view of life.  Then one day, I went to see my earthly mother, told her about a baby giving a virus to a mother was impossible..., and I asked her to forgive me for what she had gone through and I forgave her for everything.  From that day I have been totally thankful for having been born that way because I would have never known how much I am LOVED by PAPA DIEU like I believe I am.  A terrible thing happened when I was born, but, as usual, PAPA DIEU has turned a terrible thing into a BLESSING.  Only HE is capable of doing such a thing.  Again, THANK YOU PAPA DIEU,  I love YOU too, but, I know YOU LOVE ME MORE.~

*~See, upon the palms of my hands I have written you name~* *~Is 49:16~*

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